Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Theodore Jack, A Birth story

Before Theodore. Well, before the thought of Theodore, I always knew that IF we ever had another child and that was a Big. Fat. IF for a long time, that I would without a doubt go for a natural home birth. I was born at home along with my two younger sisters.

Lets start with baby #1 Everett, 

Everett's birth was my first. I was afraid. I was unsure of my abilities to go natural like my mom did and to be honest I didn't even think about it. Just take me to the hospital, they'll know what to do. Everyone does it this way. So we did. 

By the time I delivered him I was on pitocin all night, with an epidural, my doctor broke my water.  I tore through my urethra and had a badly bruised tail bone from my doctor whacking it while I was pushing him out. The recovery was brutal, and I didn't like my doctor. I felt excited at being a new Mom but felt like my experience wasn't what I thought it would be. 

17 months later I'm walking into the hospital on an early rainy morning to have a c-section with our second son, Harry. This was planned. Harry had been breeched the entire time, we knew through spiritual confirmations that this was how Harry needed to come. And I loved my doctor and felt like I was in the best hands. 

13 months later I'm about to deliver Jane and my doctor was very pro having a VBAC with her. My body had healed very well despite the close gap between her brother's c-section. I wasn't considered high risk. I was  given a very light dose of pitocin to keep my labor going. My doctor broke my water at 4 cm and within 10 minutes I was dialated to a 10 and Jane was crowning. She literally slipped out of me. I didn't even feel like I had a baby with her. Amazing. That's when I got it into my head that I could dot his naturally. My body can do this. 

2 1/2 years later I decided on a natural birth with Kate because Janes birth was so amazing, Instilling in me confidence that I could do this. I opted for natural birth at the hospital so we could take advantage of our insurance. After 7 hours of a long drawn out labor, being stuck at a 6 cm, I gave up, my body was trembling I couldn't do it anymore, and got an epidural. A nurse suggested that I turn on my side for 5 minutes and lift my leg. I did. Kate turned and came right out. Mmmm....The labor was long. I had medical interventions. In the end I was bummed that it didn't go as I planned however, she was healthy and I was grateful. But I had a lot of emotions to work through. Mainly that I should of had a midwife attending to me if I was doing a natural birth. But I decided to use our insurance that's the route we took.  

Whew. Okay. You still with me? 

Baby #5

Jack wasn't keen on a home birth. Freaked out actually. So we compromised with a birthing center, and it was still a very long process to bring him on board. But eventually he did. Of course every person we ran into gave us a horror story of some sort, don't get me started, There is So much we could discuss on this issue. Bottom line, I am Pro respect. I don't believe in judgement, we all have rights to choose what we want. I'm grateful for doctors when they are needed. But medical interventions can cause a lot of problems too. I've had to keep an open mind, and I pray about everything. 

-Theodores birth- 

On Tuesday May 30th at about 5 am I was awakened by a contraction. But no biggie right? It's not like I didn't have that early labor thing happen on Friday night that sent  everyone into a mad dash to get ready just for it to stop. So I was like, I'm not getting my hopes up, nothing's happening today. Today was the day that we had our big 38 1/2 wk. appointment with my midwife. Jack was to attend and my best friend/doula Kelly. 

We arrived at our birthing home. From that first contraction at 5:00am I kept having one  about every 15 to 20 mins. But seriously, No big deal. 

 We picked out our delivery room, The Bluebonnet room. Said our goodbyes and schedule my 39 wk. appointment. 

On our way home we swung by my chiropractor, got another adjustment, I dropped Jack at home so he could work. Work. Work. 

Being the last week of school, we are busy and full of kids projects and programs. It's about 1 pm, I head to the kids school with my side kick Kate in tow, (Kate is always with me just so you know) for Janes kindergarten program. Thank goodness for friends who just so happen to have a seat next to them in the most overly crowded cafeteria full of eager parents,  and a miracle that I was positioned right in front of Jane.  My contractions are about 7 minutes to 10 minutes apart by the end of her program (Adorable btw) We are told to collapse our chairs and put them away. A sweet lady asked if she could take my chair for me, I'm still sitting in it because...just a minute...whew... contraction. I told her I needed a minute "Oh my goodness! She's in labor!" the woman says, which my friend replied, "Yeah, but this is like her 5th, she's got this." " Yes I do" I thought to myself, and really feeling proud about it. But again, I'm not really in labor remember? It's just early labor like Friday night. 

Word spread quick, by the time I got to my daughters classroom I'm getting the craziest looks. Jane's teacher says, "You're in labor and you're here?" I reply with a laugh, "I wouldn't miss my daughters program if I was able to come, and who knows when this baby is coming."  I kneel down by Jane, who is at her desk and whisper, "We need to go sweetie, mommy's having contractions" I'll never forget the Christmas morning look in her eyes, but like a thousand times better ❤ she says "Are you serious?" We held that sweet moment together and well, I couldn't stand up because, yep contraction. Me and the girls grab the boys from their classes and head home.

You guys. I may be contracting every 7 to 10 minutes. But I'm still in complete denial, "This will stop soon I thought". FRIDAY YOU RUINED MY HOPES!

At about 6:00pm I called my friend/doula Kelly, because these contractions were getting strong. Still far apart, but definitely strong. She came to my rescue, Jack took care of the kids and kept poking his head in to see if I was okay. Kelly gave me coconut water mixed with something fizzy and all I know is that it tasted yummy! I'm still thinking -this isn't going to go anywhere I'm not in true labor yet. Kelly starts timing my contractions to see how far apart they are and how long they are lasting. They were intense but still in my opinion manageable. Here is the most amazing thing through this, when I'd contract my body was like a raging sea, then the second it was over that sea turned to stillness, a sea of glass. I didn't even feel like I was in labor in-between the contractions, almost like it had never happened at all. It was quite remarkable and beautiful, I was so in awe of this feeling. 

Kelly and I are listening to music while I bounce on my birthing ball, and while I eat pineapple in coconut milk, also YUMMY. If this was true labor I planned to do as much as I could at home, I'm loving this feeling.

By 7:00 pm I call my midwife after many promptings from Kelly, because labor doesn't feels like this right? My midwife says I sound amazing on the phone, but she wanted me to stay on the line with her until I have another contraction....(insert contraction) following my midwife says "Sarah, you are in labor, get your sitter there for your kids and get to the birth house" What?! 

It's Go time. Midwife said so

My sweet friend Tori came, we packed my bag, Jack loaded his car with babies car seat. Kelly drove her car to the birth home to meet us there. My hardest contraction was in the blasted car. And it HURT. I think that's when I started practicing my yelling skills and digging my nails into Jacks strong arm. Thank goodness for strong arms. 

We get to the birth home at 9:00pm. Now, I know that this is my 5th baby, and every delivery has been completely different. however, one thing that they have all had in common is that my water has never broke on its own. So I expected the same this time around. We went up to the Blue Bonnet room, I'm in my blue nightgown, my midwife checks me and I'm dialated to 7 cm! Wahoo! I'm Shocked! At this point I'm thinking, "This natural birth is amazing! My body is amazing! I can do this." About 30 minutes after getting checked I'm bouncing on the birthing ball, grooving to my music, talking with Kelly, Kendall (one of my midwives, I had two), and Jack, The most beautiful lighthearted feeling is in this room. I'm breathing through my Stormy sea contractions, when whoosh! My water breaks! The coolest feeling ever!! I'm LOVING THIS. 

I decide to get into the tub, because I love baths and always thought I would probably deliver in the tub. nope, I did not like the tub. I felt like I had no control. You know that fight or flight response? I'm getting a clearer picture of who I am at this point, I'm wanting to run from my pain or at least move my body more through it. I don't know. It's like your wanting to run but you can't run from your pain? Make sense? So at this point, I'm in flight mode but I have to stay and fight. I get out of the tub. I move to the toilet (I know, so gross) and quickly realize I need to get back to the room and onto the bed. My cervix as it turns out was posterior. I'm dilated to an 8 but my cervix is too far back. I laid on the bed. Everyone btw, has been so amazing. Kelly kept making me drink, my midwives were in full attention to me. Jacks been by my side making jokes of course and making me laugh which also hurt! I finally said "Jack you can't make me laugh anymore!" lol. My friend Kristi was there documenting everything. Again, I just felt like the room had the such a beautiful spirit. 

But this is getting real!!! I'm not laughing anymore, I'm not quoting movie lines (I know, lol). 

Something takes over in me. I'm laying on the bed, and I just start screaming, and pushing and bearing down with every fiber of my being. This is it. Oh my gosh. If I don't push out this baby right now, I am done. I can't go on. Every part of my body was alive. I had reached that point. I scream, "No, I don't want this pain! Why do women do this natural?!! Are they crazy!! This is CRAZY!" Classic right? It's just Like those movies when the woman is like "YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!" Oh, I was SO there. Like I get it. I SO get it. Every cell in my body is on fire. I've never experienced something like this in my life. Oh my gosh. The intensity. This feeling of my body being the raging sea and this baby inside is the vessel pushing through it, pushing through me. This is so raw. I feel like we go through life trying to make ourselves comfortable, and we don't want to feel pain. Everything we want, we get. Everything is now. Well being in the now and about to meet this baby, was happening. There was no way to block the pain but to fight through it. All of these emotions coursing through me. All that I've fought for these past 9 months, not just me, me and Jack have worked for. It's about to end. It seems like it won't, it seems like the pain will never end. No one can do this for me. This is mine and mine alone. I bear down again, when I hear, "You've pushed out the head Sarah! Oh my goodness you are there, hold on." Everyone is staring at this miracle, I have my eyes shut tight because, oh my goodness I have never in my life needed to stay so focused. I felt like if I opened my eyes I'd give up. My midwife has a mirror to show me the babies head and how good I'm doing and I'm like, "The last thing I want to do is open my eyes and see whats happening!" I'm in the zone. Eyes closed, "Stay focused Sarah, don't give up, you can't give up."  They gently unwrap the chord from babies neck, one, two, I give another push, and I hear, "You did it! Babies out! It's a BOY!" Oh. I. Just. Can't. There are no words for that moment. Never in my life have I felt so exhausted, I sobbed, with no tears,  "Jack another son! Jack you were right, you knew!" We locked eyes, we couldn't  believe we just brought in our fifth child. That look that we have given each other after each baby, cementing our love is my favorite moment in our lives together. We have been lucky to have now, five of those moments. One moment is enough, and we've had five. I love this man. This little crumpled up ball of a naked boy is laying on my chest, silent, breathing with me on the outside "I did it. I can't believe I did that! Jack we did it" 

And I'd do it again.


Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Give me all the guilt free chocolate cake!

Hey guys! As promised, our favorite Chocolate cake recipe! Its so easy! and bakes in 30 min! win. Enjoy! 

*** Before you make this cake, First make you frosting. I hate it when I make something and then I find out that a part of the recipe needs additional time to set up (clearly, this is a learn from my mistake type of advice :)) So, the night before you make this frosting put your can of coconut cream in your fridge.  The next morning you can make your frosting, it needs to sit in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours, so I usually make it in the morning, then I'll make the cake in the afternoon. 

Frosting ingredients

1 can coconut cream

1/2 bag semi-sweet chocolate chips

  1. Making the frosting, melt the chocolate in a sauce pan over low-medium heat. Grab the coconut milk from the refrigerator but don’t shake the can or turn it upside down before opening. Open the can and scoop out the solid parts with a spoon, placing them into the pot with the chocolate. It’s okay if it the solid parts aren't completely separated, just try to get as much of the thicker portions as possible. Melt the coconut cream and chocolate together then transfer to a large bowl that you can later use to whip it in. (note: if the melted chocolate/coconut milk mixture still appears really dark you can add more coconut milk to lighten it up so that the end result isn't bitter)
  2. Allow to cool on the counter then cover and refrigerate for several hours, until thickened. Once it has thickened, remove from the refrigerator and beat on high for thirty seconds to one minute, until a fluffy icing has formed. (I made mine the night before baking the cake).
Cake Ingredients
2 cups cooked quinoa*
1/3 cup milk (or preferred milk)
4 whole eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup melted butter
1/4 cup melted coconut oil
1 cup or organic white sugar/ or coconut sugar (I do 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup coconut sugar)
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (I use raw cacao that i order off amazon)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 and 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
  1. Preheat the oven to 350°F and then line two round cake pans (or a 9x13” pan) with parchment paper.
  2. In a food processor or blender, combine the eggs, milk, and vanilla extract then blend for ten seconds to combine.
  3. Add the cooked and cooled quinoa along with the melted and cooled butter and coconut oil (could also use all regular butter) then blend until completely smooth, about thirty seconds to one minute. -side note: I never shy from good full fat butter, I am a believer in healthy fats, so don't worry!
  4. Sift together the dry ingredients in a large bowl (cocoa powder, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and sea salt).
  5. Add the wet ingredients in the blender to the bowl with the dry and mix together until well-combined.
  6. Divide the batter between the two pans. *My favorite tip: trace your pan on parchment paper and cut it out and put it in the bottom of your pan, it will come out so nicely! Bake for 27 minutes. Remove the cakes from the oven and allow to cool.

  7. Transfer the cakes to a surface for icing with the bottom side up. I recommend that you only transfer the cakes once as they are fragile and difficult to hold together once removed from the parchment paper.
  8. Frost the cake and refrigerate until ready to serve. The icing will melt in really warm conditions but should be fine for a few hours in cooler settings.

Quinoa Chocolate Cake!!!

once you've made your batter divide it into two round cake pans

If your lucky like me, you get the cutest little taste tester!

don't worry, she approved, and I washed her hands...after and before hehe.

Once they come out, let them cool and then your ready to frost your cakes

*Now, I didn't make my frosting ahead of time. However, in this case I had whipping cream in  my fridge that i didn't want to go to waist, and sometimes I like to make it into a Cookies n' cream cake instead. I mean, who doesn't love that? Its so delicious. I definitely recommend both ways. but the frosting mentioned above is incredible.

Also, its fabulous the next day for breakfast :)

I hope you enjoy this recipe! We sure love it. Let me know if you make it, I'd love to hear how it goes!


Wednesday, February 17, 2016

No bake Peanut Butter Bars, hell yes

Hey there!

 I am getting back on the health band wagon...Yeah, it's about time. My biggest weakness as I am sure so many have, is SUGAR! Gah. The crack cocain of food. 

Instead of not having it at all, which just makes me angry, I am on the hunt for something healthy and indulgent at the same time... That doesn't seem possible right? Well it is! Win win! I introduce you to the No bake Peanut butter bars! Holy amazing! I love these. So. Good.

I whipped these up last night. So easy!

Notice I use the same bowl to mix all three layers? Another Win. 

Little sneaky taste tester hands are my favorite

I can't take credit for these yummy beauties (wish I could!) I'll always give credit where credit is due. I adore, creative people and their strengths, so Hop on over to this cute girls blog here to get the full recipe!

Also, I keep mine in my fridge so they don't melt. Then I just tiptoe over five times a day... Okay six, and sneak little squares.  


Monday, February 15, 2016

Learning to listen

Hey, I am trying this out again. I feel like I have so much in my heart and mind to say, but i fall short and end up closing my mouth. I am not putting expectations on myself for this blog. Because heaven knows i don't need another reason to feel like i am failing in life! :)

I am just going to dive in.

subject: KATE aka: Kitty, aka: Kitty Whitty, aka: Crazy Kate

Before I had Kate, I had every confidence in myself that I was a great mom. I had some bad days with Everett, Harry, and Jane, but for the most part we had great days. I thought I was really good at my job of being a mother, and all that comes with balancing it all. Then I had Kate, my fourth, and then we moved to another state away from family. All I can really say is, that in the last almost three years I have never felt like such a failure at my job. I thought I had amazing kids, because i was an amazing mom. Turns out I just had REALLY easy kids as my first three.

Kate, Kate, Kate. Wow, she is teaching me so much about patience. We mostly butt heads. I will tell you what, she is the most stubborn human I have ever met in my entire life. Lucky for her she has really easy going siblings and a mother who doesn't give in to her antics.

I think she is going to be amazing with this stubbornness. I think most confident, successful people were probably the most hard children to parent --Please tell me thats true. lol

bottom line. Love her. she is one amazing girl. I have never met a little girl with such Pazazz, and i mean that. She is hilarious. sweet. ambitious. determined. opinionated. and theatrical most of all.

Below are pictures taken a few Sundays ago, Where the sun was shining, we went to church, I made our traditional big sunday dinner, while hearing the kids playing and laughing outside, and well, it was just a beautiful day. I love my job.

Have a wonderful day!


Friday, November 6, 2015

Halloween 2015

I am trying to be better at posting all the pictures I take and writing on this blog more. Truth be told, i am intimidated by writing. I always admire beautiful writing, but I feel like I am tone deaf in this area. I know how I want it to sound, but often feel like it doesn't come out that way. 

So, here I am. Not a great writer. maybe with practice I will be? Only time will tell I guess.

Halloween this year for us was great. We had the Trunk or Treat a week before Halloween. Since we have 2.3 million costumes constantly bulging from the dress up drawers, I told the Tribe we were re-using costumes this year, or they could dress up as something as long as it wasn't buying a brand new costume. So, back to the Trunk or Treat, all the kids opted for last years costumes. Jack and I dressed like Adriane and Rocky Balboa, apparently Jack got many concerned looks with his fake black eye, which only means that I am a wizard with makeup! :) Many photos to ensue. 

Halloween night was a whole different story. Don't ask me exactly how, but all kids (aside from Kitty) ended up with a new light saber (Thank you do their Dad) and I grabbed them some robes so they could be Star Wars, Luke Skywalker, Anakin, and if you ask Jane she was "Darf Vador". I love this age. I love their hilarious homemade costumes. I love how happy their new light sabers made them. I loved watching Jack act out battle scenes with all his children throughout the house. This season of life is the absolute hardest and best.